With that being said, I'm obsessed with bright colors (which I'm sure you already knew, as it doesn't take long to figure out) so when I write in my journal, I use a different colored pen every entry: blue, green, orange, purple, pink. I never write with the same color two entries in a row, and I would never purposely break the pattern and write with blue when I was supposed to write with purple. However, I'm not perfect and accidents do happen, so the pattern has been broken a time or two. As I've grown older, I've learned that there are worse things in life than breaking the pattern of colors in my journal...I could lose a pen or someone could borrow a pen without giving it back (also known as STEALING) which may be one of my biggest fears in life...but I suppose that's another story.
Anyway...to make a long story not so short, we had our Phi Lamb retreat this weekend. We met until late Friday evening, departed for the night, and then met again Saturday morning. I placed my 5 pens and 5 highlighters into the front zipper of my Bible case and headed home Friday evening...or so I thought! When I returned to retreat Saturday morning, I pulled out my highlighters and pens to line up next to each other, just as I always do, only to discover my blue pen was missing. I immediately began to panic, as I'm not one to just misplace a pen. I grabbed Casey's arm and let out a heartbroken sigh as I informed her of the awful news. I checked and rechecked my Spongebob "JUST ADD BUBBLES" backpack as Casey checked under the buffet table. My blue PILOT G-2 07 gel pen was nowhere to be found. We searched for several minutes but had no luck. Just as I took a deep breath and began to prepare myself for the possibility of having to buy a pack of five pens for a single color (yes, I have a problem), Casey spotted my pen on a table nearby! I immediately embraced my friend with both arms as I waved my pen in the air declaring victory. No words can fully describe the joy that bubbled up inside me.
After sitting down with an overwhelming sense of satisfaction knowing my pen had been returned safe and sound to it's rightful owner (yours truly), I suddenly found myself convicted as the verse Jeremiah 29:13 came to mind: "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." As I stared at my pens lined up side-by-side in a nice, orderly fashion, I found myself wondering, "Do I seek God the way I sought-after my blue PILOT G-2 07 gel pen?"
No.
I have been guilty of reading my Bible solely for the information rather than the transformation. I have failed to acknowledge God's sovereignty over my life on a day-to-day basis. I have focused on my own desires instead of His plan for my life. I do not always put God first above all else.
Seeking God wholeheartedly requires a conscious effort to empty ourselves daily so He can sit as King on the throne of our hearts. We must rid ourselves of anything and everything keeping us from knowing Him more. We need to meditate on God's word every time we open our Bibles and ensure we pray and ask the Holy Spirit to give us insight. Like my mom once said, "If we read the Bible but don't bother meditating on it, we might as well be reading the sports section!" We need to remind ourselves that God has ultimate control. We need to put aside our plans and desires and focus solely on His will for our lives. We need to put God first and foremost every minute of every day!
We need to continuously seek God through the obstacles (selfishness, pride, doubt, etc.), just as I sought-after my pen...we need to lift up tablecloths in search for Him, dump out our belongings in search for Him (figuratively speaking, of course)...not because God is lost but because without Him, we are lost!
