Believe it or not, I was horrified by the idea of living at home for who knows how long to save up money and gain experience instead of moving to Los Angeles. Here's why:
1) I felt like I was putting my dreams on hold. I had been waiting (and longing) to follow my dreams since I was a junior in high school and now that I had graduated college, I was supposed to wait even longer to "take [the] risk, take [the] chance, make [the] change" I'd been dreaming about for so many years? Um, check please!
2) I was terrified of getting "stuck" somewhere I feel I don't belong. Please, please do not get me wrong. I love White Oak! I was so blessed to grow up in this small, East Texas town. I know for a FACT I would not be the person I am today had I not grown up here. It will ALWAYS be my home, but I've known for a long time that this isn't where I'm meant to stay. I was scared of becoming complacent.
3) I also felt that I was letting you, my supporters, down. I thought you would be disappointed in me for not sticking to the original plan or think I had wimped out and chosen not to follow my dreams and discover God's purpose for my life. So, I put off posting this even though I knew it needed to be posted. Ironically, once I finally posted it, I received nothing but positive, encouraging feedback from each of you. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for that. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your constant love and support during both the difficult and easy decisions I've made!
When I am facing a major life decision and am in need of wise, godly counsel, I turn to my mentors and prayer warriors. These ladies don't tell me what I want to hear, but what I need to hear. I have given them permission to speak into my life because I know they will tell me the truth, and it won't be sugar-coated. God speaks through them to me. Therefore, it was no coincidence that God used both Mrs. Becky and Casey to remind me of Moses' journey to the Promise Land! I listened to Ben Stuart's podcast "Heading South to Go North" and began both studying and praying through Exodus 2, Acts 7, and Hebrews 11.
Destination: Desert #1
As you may know, Moses knew he was to be a great-deliverer and tried to take matters into his own hands. Instead, he wound up in the desert for 40yrs. Because Moses could not see the big picture, it only made sense to feel as if he were wasting his life in the desert. God, however, was extremely busy preparing him both physically and spiritually for what lay ahead. Physically, he learned about life in the desert. He learned about the wildlife, how to find water, etc. Spiritually, Moses learned what it meant to walk deeply with God and depend on Him in all circumstances. It was in the desert he was becoming the type of man who would later be bold enough to demand, "Let my people go!" As Ben notes in his podcast, "It's in the heat of the desert God produces character." God wanted Moses to excel at leading sheep through the desert because he would later be called to lead PEOPLE through the desert! God was preparing Moses for life in the desert where he'd be for the NEXT 40yrs!
Destination: Desert #2
When Moses was leading the Israelites through the desert to the Promise Land, God sent them in the opposite direction (south) instead of fast-tracking them (north). God knew if they had gone through the Philistine country, they would face war and be tempted to turn around and go back to Egypt because they had no training, no coaching. He knew they weren't ready for battle. In other words, the shortest route had challenges they weren't prepared for, so God in his MERCY took them south! Further along their journey, God tells them to turn back so that Pharoah will think the Israelites are lost and pursue them. In doing so, the Israelites appeared to be in a place of hopelessness, trapped between the Egyptians and the Red Sea. It was then that God told Moses to raise his staff and stretch out his hand over the Red Sea. The sea parted, the Israelites walked across it on dry ground with walls of water to their left and right, and the Egyptian army was washed onto shore. God did this to display His glory! The greater the challenge, the greater the glory.
Conclusion: After studying and praying through these scriptures, I understand that I'm not spiritually or financially prepared for what lies ahead. I must first set aside time to go through the "desert" so that God can develop my character and equip me for the upcoming battle. Because of that simple truth, I am content. God directs our lives in ways that will give Him maximum glory, and if me staying in White Oak for a little while to gain experience, save up money, and prepare myself spiritually will give Him more glory in the long run, then that's what I want to do! I realize now that I'm not putting my dreams on hold! I'm taking it one step at a time as I walk hand-in-hand with my Savior. I know I'll get there when I'm meant to get there...in God's timing, not my own! My joy comes from the Lord, not my circumstances.
I don't know what you're struggling with right now, but I want to leave you with these three things:
1) If you don't have a mentor or individuals to pray both with and for you on this journey, I urge you to find a spiritual support group as soon as possible. Seek spiritual maturity and pray that God will bring individuals into your life who will not hesitate to give you tough advice! My mentors and prayer pals are one of my most treasured gifts and I would not be where I am today without them.
2) Trust God's timing. If he has you in the "desert" right now, be willing to let him mold your character so that you can be prepared for what he has in store for you! You will get there when you're meant to get there, wherever it is that you're going. You'll know when it's time to go! Moses made a mess of things when he tried to take matters into his own hands. Whatever you're facing, put it in God's hands. After all, that is the safest place for your problems to be!
3) Most importantly, never forget that life is about the journey, not the destination. Don't let Satan cause you to think otherwise! "It's not what you do. It's what you do along the way." This life is all about Him. Let God organize your life in the way He sees best fit so that He will receive maximum glory!
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